Pain is a good moderator. It restricts, allows, bends and dictates. My days are often filled with intense pain. When I am having a "good" day, I can breathe without thinking about each breath. My body is broken, each step I take initially feels like broken glass --shards imbedding themselves in my thighs while crunching into my feet. I listen to the sound of my heartbeat on bad days, which are coming more and more often. Even my heart squeezes and releases painfully...I think it's taxed by the zillions of nerves misfiring in pain, the constant adrenaline buzz that courses through my body when the pain is severe. Today, I can't even raise my voice around the ache.
I posted a purple flower. My sister's iris - that boquet of purple majesty I carried on June 14th. I have a bond with my oldest son that centers around a purple flower. I once told him in an emotional, pain-filled moment, that when nothing seems to be positive, the world felt like it was whirling down on us like a crazed dervish, that something as small as a purple flower must be the focus at that moment, during that breath.
Today is one of those moments. Pain is crashing down like that crazed dervish and I'm looking for a life change in a purple flower. 
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